*
When you Wake Up Scared
and someone calls your name
but no one is there
when the woes of the world
gather and sit
in your gut
and the idea that everyone
must eventually go
plagues your night’s reprieve, the terrors
that all the birds
are lost and migration
is futile and anyone who wishes
to walk or run
to some mythical safety zone
comes round to the same
rich man’s bloody warfield
and nothing
nothing can be done
when you wake up scared
and sounds in the dark house
empty and cool
turn to a vacuum of dark matter
in a forgotten but ominous dream
and you ask again and again
why can’t I simply breathe
why can’t I sink into another sound sleep?
Even if the dog is there, and you turn
to listen to your lover’s breathing
all the good you’ve done
even if you were unaware
stays hidden, just a damned sonata
of broken things, computers, hot water heaters,
cars, gas bills doubling, all the stupid
little hoarded obsessions of privilege
loom large when you wake up scared
in spite of that remarkable moon’s
hook in the purple sky
despite the days to come
bright and chill and full of color
the spangled waters the migrating
songs and Vs of geese the last fruits
and roots from the garden
when you wake up scared
and you know prayer is a lie
and you won’t wake anyone you might
alarm by stepping
into the comfort of their own dreams.
Recollection and plans are forgotten
everything before and after
that has been conquered or persevered—
dew will settle heavy on the flowers
and even if frosts finally fall
and blackened remnants
of the season’s garden (the food canned
and stacked in the cupboards, soups
and pickles, beans and sauces)
appear in dawn’s fog
that feeling, the unsettled knowledge,
what will happen and what will not,
will not recede. Someone somewhere
is lost. Someone somewhere is found.
A child is neglected
a child is held.
All is not right with the world
but you are here
and you have done what is good
you have heard owls in the trees
when night rendered everything unseen
when you wake up scared
but even waking assures you you live, you live
because you walked on
and you dreamed.
*
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I read this a few times, and I think each time it was different, which is a kind of magic. It’s been a long day for me, so at first, I read “When you wake up sacred,” then realized my misreading of it and read on. But that line stuck with me, both as it was written, and the misread, and I was inspired. Thank you! Nice to meet you tonight.
Perfect for my mood today!! I often wake up un a similar state these days! Great lines.